Jeremiah 29:13 has new meaning for me.
"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
The last couple weeks have been a journey of struggle and discovery. Mostly discovering how good God is and how little I deserve it. But it's been that seeking "with all my heart" that's been the blessing. I've seen how dark my heart can be, how being a Christian most of your life enables you to think "you're all good". You're better than 95% of the world, abstaining from all sorts of bad stuff.
But it's the pride of the heart that kills. That's the root of everything. It brought down Lucifer and I've come face to face with it in my own heart. Somehow I thought I was a pretty good guy. But alot of that "good" was for selfish, "look at me" motives.
What a gift, to see my heart for what it truly is. Because here's the kicker...for the first time in my life, I've finally actually believed, TRULY believed, that I need a Savior. Ellen White talks about being able to see the "length of chain that was let down for us". When I finally saw the deep hole I was in, and finally saw my need, I've been able to receive the gift of hope. Because until I realized what I was missing, I couldn't receive what I needed.
So now I see differently. I see the greatest source of happiness -- purpose. Purpose to love and be loved by the Artist of All, to share that love in the unique way he's enabled me, and to see the potential for that love in every single solitary person. Praise God!